Why can’t a man be more like a woman?

The scientific and not-so-scientific reasons behind woman’s greatest woe

One need not look any further than to New Zealand’s 39 year old Prime Minister, Jacinda Ardern to see a strong female in power. She has left her male counterparts scrambling for the black-box in the wreckage of their national healthcare, by using a leadership style which has been commended for its empathetic and consistent nature. Now, I may have only reached the ripe old age of 24, but I have yet to meet a male whom I can describe using the aforementioned adjectives. The early-lockdown imposed by Ardern can be commended for the protection of life at all costs approach, whereas her masculine equals have allowed greed and ego to take the reign. Something which I have witnessed to be a common thread running in all men, keeping them from the prize (I’m shamelessly comparing the eradication of the coronavirus to having my hand in marriage, in case you hadn’t noticed.)

So why can’t a man be more like a woman? Field-research on the topic of men and their all too often abhorrent behaviour, is something which I have in abundance; hoarded in the archives of my mind; saved from previous conversations, altercations and observations.

I would like to begin with an area that I feel really spotlights the disparate worlds of men and women; their priorities. Unsurprisingly, studies have shown that while females are more inclined to act ethically when deciding which aspects of their lives take precedence, men are far more hedonistic and experience little to no guilt in prioritising their own happiness. Sounds about right, yes? Investigations using neuroimaging have shown that women utilise brain matter which contains more mirror neurons than men when processing emotions. Mirror neurons allow us to experience the world from the perspective of another, resulting in the self-sacrificing nature of womankind. On the other hand, men in their thirties are prioritising everything from washing their ‘meal-prep’ lunch boxes, to spending six evenings a week lifting metal bars, and it’s a real problem if you ask me. Now maybe I’m being completely absurd and outrageously unreasonable when I say that perhaps watching ‘Match of the Day’ probably shouldn’t come before collecting the potential mother of your unconceived children from the train station on a rainy day. Scientific research has also proven that the matter which connects the left and right hemisphere of the brain, corpus callosum, is 25% larger in women, giving us a greater capacity to bounce between the facts and the feelings, the analytical and the emotional. This would suggest that females take the holistic approach to dealing with life’s conundrums; priorities included.

Moving on to one of the main contenders for the ‘Most Consequential Issue in Relationships’ trophy: communication.

George S Patton put it well when he said, ‘Say what you mean, and mean what you say.’ It sounds so simple, right? In one of the current love stories which has captured the attention of humankind, Sally Rooney’s phenomenal ‘Normal People’ we follow the story of Connell Waldron, whose sense of self has been completely eroded by the social constructs of ‘cool’ and ‘normal.’ Delving into the underworld of his emotions, and God forbid, expressing these feelings, just doesn’t seem to be an option for our handsome, but painfully insecure protagonist. There has been an outpour of love and longing for Connell on social media, yet, by the age of 21, haven’t most women paid their dues with the emotionally-mute and non-committal Connell-esque man-boy? With regards to what the experts have to say on this matter, in an online article published by ‘Stephen Rogers Counseling’ we learn that men view communication as a tool to enhance practicality and logic; something that should be used to share and relay new information, for example, finding out what’s for dinner. *cue eye roll* Whereas women see communication as an opportunity for intimacy and bonding. ‘Women can feel and speak at the same time. Interestingly, men actually have to switch from speech to emotions and back, which takes a lot of energy and focus.’ Again, accentuating the much-dissertated subject of men’s inability to multi-task.

‘All women are crazy!!!’ If I had a euro for every time I have heard this slanderous, ‘lad-banter’ expression thrown about, well, I wouldn’t be here right now. I’d probably be getting a foot rub from the resident masseuse of my Villa in the Maldives, sipping on a frosé brought out by the mixologist who works in the poolside bar. Lunch would be served up by my Michelin star chef, consisting of a plethora of worldly delicacies. You get the picture. I’m going to be perfectly honest here. It’s no secret that the, eh, the ‘occasional’ outburst of irrationality is a by-product of being female. Women aren't ‘crazy’ or ‘psychotic’ or ‘insane’ for remembering the comment you made in a Whatsapp message on the 15th of February at 17:49, women, however, do have a larger hippocampus, than their male counterparts. This part of the brain is responsible for memories and emotions, making women more skilled in terms of their verbal memory and capacity to express themselves. Furthermore, there are far more nerve connections between the hippocampal region and emotional centres of the female brain.

So there you have it. A non-comprehensive, corruptly biased, (but also quite scientific) summary as to why a man can’t be more like a woman. At the end of the day, I’m still going to chalk it up to the fact that females are indeed, the more resilient, self-aware, emotionally intelligent, empathetic and overall superior sex. As a twenty-something year old ‘Strong Independent Woman’ a.k.a. single girl, I can tell you something; I have often seen bigger men on the top of wedding cakes, than what I have experienced on the dating scene over the past number of years.

But perhaps in some utopian galaxy, far, far, far away, men are effective communicators. Men consider the ramifications of their thoughts before the thought becomes an action. Men are the target of businesses selling journals and retreats of self-discovery and self-development. Men can multitask. Men won’t pitch you the dream for weeks, months, years, even, only to pull the sale at the last second. Men can prioritise in a way that doesn’t disregard human life. Men can feign enthusiasm in the same way that you do when discussing the 3 and a half minutes that they spent on the suburbs of the actual pitch, rather than the bench, this time.

True for the person who said, sure, God created man first; but doesn’t the rough draft always come before the masterpiece?