The Rising Tide that Lifts All Boats
Sparing a moment for the greatest of all love stories
Dear Reader,
This morning I walked one of my closest female friends to meet, as I like to coin it for dramatic effect, ‘a stranger from the internet.’ It was to be their first encounter and experience of the others’ world; of many, who knows?
But what I do know is this: regardless of how the next few hours play out, and whether the chemistry resembles that of a failed primary school experiment, or something as explosive as Hiroshima, the oestrogen-fuelled banter and invigorating hype-woman team talk, will forever be one of the most memorable aspects of these formative rites of passage. Now this feature isn’t to detail or highlight the misadventures of our journey on the broken road, no, you’ll have to await my Ted Talk for that one. Today’s 5 minute moment, entails some of the most sentimental of musings; a tribute to the legion of ladies, or as it’s put in Latin ‘Fidus Achates.’
Throughout childhood, we shared crayons, hair clips, and sandwiches. As we moved into adolescence, we swapped boys, dresses, and secrets. Now, as semi-functioning adults, we impart unfiltered stories and sage advice. Some of my earliest memories of the tribalism of female alliances originate from the problem pages of ‘Girl Talk’ and ‘Mizz Magazine.’ God bless that sacred space where like-minded young women, gathered to dissect and dissolve some of the most pressing and anxiety-inducing conundrums of that week; everything from familial warfare to brace-friendly kissing techniques, was thrashed out and remedied, with the utmost of dignity and integrity for the reader. Since then, the medium through which we choose to dissertate and decode the woes of the 21st-century woman has evolved and changed; toilet cubicles, kitchen tables, and empty car parks, are among some of the places where women congregate to do their best thinking, and awe-inspiring public speaking.
With regards to physical health, I would be very much inclined to say that my female friendships have contributed more than their fair share, to its demise. I mean, they’re a human alarm clock, reminding me of many pressing issues that need addressing, but drinking water, getting eight hours of sleep, and stepping away from the bar, never seem to feature. However, proven by a study published by the Journal of Clinical Oncology, the survival rates of women diagnosed with early-stage breast cancer, are more favourable should the woman have a large female support system. Female comradery incites the output of oxytocin, the stress combating hormone, which plays a part in preventing chronic disease, lowering blood pressure and boosting immunity.
Real, wholesome, and uncomplicated female friendships are living proof of the evergreen and everlasting route that relationships can take when treated with an appropriate measure of sanctity. Unfortunately, from as early on as our obsession with fairy-tales, right up to the present-day narrative of what a ‘good’ life looks like, we are drip-fed the idea that there is a token of emotional supremacy that comes free with your romantic relationship; an unlocking of a secret and elite level on the game of life. Arguably, there is more scope for light and shade, however, friendship is not a downgrade from non-platonic love, nor is it a waiting room or a placeholder. It is not the ‘next best thing’ or second prize. For anyone tuning into the English Love Island this summer, popular opinion suggests that Kaz and Liberty (two female Islanders) have more chance of maintaining a relationship, albeit a friendship, outside of the villa than any of their ‘coupled-up’ equivalents. I support this motion.
Might I linger here a little longer on the interplay between men, women and our respective friendships? Ok, well, if you insist. It is a quantifiable fact that men grieve personal trauma in a contrasting manner to women. Take the archaic example of the man who after one relationship ends, dives headfirst into the next. A study published in ‘Adaptive Human Behaviour and Physiology’ showed that men are more likely to have a romantic partner than a best friend; 98% of women reported to have a best friend, compared to 85% of men. They rely heavily on the guidance of, and inspiration from, their significant other, to ward off the effects of loneliness and buffer the ramifications of life’s transitions. How lucky are we to have a limitless and unwavering source of support and safety in times of emotionally charged chaos? How fortunate are we to be able to seek refuge and security in a familiar port, rather than scrambling through the eye of the storm, rattling the vending machine of validation providers?
With the privilege of being a woman is much confusion, hardship, responsibility, and sometimes, fear. In recent years we have blown the whistle on many cases of sexual harassment of women, striving to create a space for those who have been violated, to be heard, understood, and in any way possible, given justice. We have campaigned for, and celebrated women who have earned roles in a male-dominated environment, most notably, in government buildings around the globe; because it’s not all lip-gloss and fake tan, curly blow dries, and ASOS orders.
Being a woman, is being told to know your worth but also to know your place. To work twice as hard as your male counterparts, but to never expect to surpass, or even be treated equally to them. To present yourself in a way that is pretty, feminine, and attractive, but to expect animalistic levels of harassment should you cross the line. Bound together by our intrinsic nature to nurture, empathise and dare I say, hustle, our struggles, and aforementioned innate commonalities, are those which can transcend culture, ethnicity, and background.
There is no way for me to effectively verbalise the impact that my girls have had on shaping the person that I am, or the life that I have. At 25, I sit wrapped in a blanket, of which each unique thread represents a face of theirs, a story, a Saturday night nightclub stamp, and a Sunday morning coffee, a Wednesday evening rant in the kitchen, and a Friday night dash to the off-license, ten minutes before closing. All of these, bound together to form a beautiful tapestry, rich in colour, dramatic prints, and of course, life.
